Over the Top

 

Hope all of you had a great weekend.

I felt fine, but tired. Not sure why, I have to try to hydrate even more. That has to be it.

Today I saw my PCP, lost some weight close to 8 pounds, but my blood pressure dropped.

I have been doing BP readings in the evening and noticed last week it started to lower.

I have always had high blood pressure, even with medication. When I was in the hospital I was in hypertension crisis.

Every appointment it has been consistently high.

But now it is not. He took me off of one of my medications.

So I will keep an eye on it.

Last week I had an appointment for an MRI again. Another brain one because they wanted to use the one at the cancer center. The ‘good’ machine. Why aren’t they all good? They said they may want to radiate that non cancerous thing in my head which would need to be done within 48 hours of the MRI.

I really don’t want radiation on something non-cancerous. I have read up on it. I canceled it and asked to reschedule in a couple weeks. MRI only. One, I just need to know how a chemo cycle is going to go without all these appointments and having contrast shot into my body. Two, they are doing major construction getting into town so an hour drive is now 90 mins.

They said, “Someone from scheduling will call you back.”

No one did. I went in this afternoon, into the app to check in for my PCP and there were two appointments for Wednesday. One for consultation and the other for MRI. The appointments are 3 hours apart, with the consultation being first. Which means, timeline wise, I have to leave at 9 and won’t get home until after 6. Yeah. No.

I checked my phone for missed messages … nothing.

They just scheduled without checking if the dates were okay. No, no they aren’t. So, they think because I have cancer my entire life is sitting around waiting for them to tell me where to go next?

Now I have to call tomorrow and reschedule.

It just irritates me.

I get it they want to double check what’s in my head, but that entire ordeal a few weeks back was a waste. Why didn’t I just go to the good MRI in the first place.

A part of me feels because I qualified for that special ‘pay for all breast cancer insurance’ that they are just taking advantage of it. Had I had my other insurance, I am pretty sure it wouldn’t have authorized another MRI so close.

Plus, okay, I have another reason.

The night before my first treatment, I woke up in a panic. Total anxiety. I literally had to pray my way back to sleep.

See my father died young. I kept a diary back then.

I am superstitious and had the coincidences and I wanted to cancel the MRI and radiation.

My father was diagnosed with cancer on June 7, 1988. (I was diagnosed on June 2^nd)

My father started treatment on July 6. (I started July 7)

My father had a massive stroke on July 16 from complications from treatment. I thankfully surpassed that nine day mark and my BP has gone down.

They started treatment again on my dad and ten days later, again, adverse reaction to the treatment, my father passed away August 2 1988,

I passed the stroke time line. I just want to pass my father’s timeline. I know things have changed in forty years, but I can recall as I approached my 48^th Birthday, being nervous until I turned 48 and outlived my dad. This is sort of the same thing.

Okay I am done being miserable about it. On a brighter note, Avenger’s Doomsday come out in a few months, the trailer was released. I am a huge Avengers fan.

Countdown is on.

7 treatments until Avengers!