Ug ... When You're sick, You're sick

It finally got me down.

Physically I mean.

Sunday morning, I got up. I was fine, it just takes me an hour to feel motivated. I went to work at the church. Went to Starbucks, did my Walmart Grocery order and was fine, I wasn’t hungry, I did force some soup, then I took a nap.

That evening about 7 pm, something was off. Sniffing alcohol wipes didn’t help and I wasn’t feeling well enough to drive to get a frozen coke. Which by the way really do help me.

Around 9ish, I am at my computer and a wave of nausea hit me like I hadn’t had yet.

Next thing I know I am in the bathroom, sitting on a little pink stepping stool and embracing the porcelain throne as if it was a long lost friend.

I felt so sick. I didn’t want to take the Compazine because it makes me tired, I have this fear of vomiting in my sleep. So I held off. I had one Zofran and took it around 11. It worked. Didn’t make me tired. I still wasn’t very hungry, but I ate some soup.

They called in a prescription for me.

How do I feel now twenty-four hours later. Good. Much better. Even different.

A friend asked me if I could feel the chemo in my body. After a brief pause, I answered yes. Because there’s a feeling, an emptiness, almost hollow feeling, a vulnerability, that courses through your veins. It takes strength from you but you know that strength is working elsewhere in the body.

A mixture of pre-stage jitters and hunger.

Sort of like the body is short staffed at a restaurant because all the really strong parts are working elsewhere.

It’s only been a week and I am still figuring this out. Again, hating to beat a dead horse, that CT with oral contrast the day before my first infusion didn’t help.

I am glad I was able to work all week, that I pushed through.

I really, really hope I reached a turning point. It’s horrible knowing you feel good and waiting for the shoe to drop.  It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s here, no matter how mentally strong I was, it caught me.

But as I told my son, if it was the worst day of the cycle, I did pretty darned good.

I’m learning what to do. It’s all new.

I just know I have to take it one step at a time. One day at a time.

Anyone watch the new Little House on the Prairie yet? I’m thinking of watching that. Also, if you comment, no need to sign in, just put your name or initials in the comments unless you want to remain anonymous.

Tired but pushing through

I’m not going to complain or say it was a bad day, because I am sure others in my position on treatment feel far worse.

A slight twinge of nausea here and there. Nothing sniffing alcohol wipes doesn’t help. I’m staying hydrated but I am not getting the small meals thing. I understand why I have to do it, but I am doing it wrong. I don’t eat a lot but sure enough two hours after eating I am tired. Like since yesterday. Bam, body tired. If anyone has ideas for small meals, let me know!

Today I felt fine, went to Trader Joe’s made lunch and two hours later .. tired. I took a nap. Got up and still felt tired. I finished all my church work and uploaded it, wrote in my new book, emptied the dishwasher, did my Duolingo, but the lack of energy is making me feel lazy.

Of course, I haven’t slept through the night since Saturday a week ago.

Plus, I didn’t get my Starbucks today either.

Or, well, you know, it could be the chemo.

I think before I post this, I’ll step outside and walk a little to see if that helps.

It’s 9:45 and I haven’t had dinner, I will though.

Hopefully, I’ll have more energy tomorrow.

Sorry for the short blog, I’m just drained.

**Took a ten minute walk, got some fresh air, feel a little better.

** Edit – It’s now been an hour after my walk, and a cup of Earl Gray later and  feel good, energized.

Trudging On Day 3

 

Here I am writing his from the car, I sent my daughter into the store for me. (Important to note that the time I and writing this and posting are probably hours apart) 

 After another restless night, getting up every two hours for a half hour, feeling fine but unable to sleep. I woke up today still feeling fine but with a feeling of nervous energy. The nurse called to check on me and I told her about the sleepless nights and nervous weird feeling and she told me it was probably from the steroids they gave me. They last three days.

I got a bunch of wig stands and Violet played dress up with some of the wigs, good
and bad and it was almost unfair how freaking good she looked in two of them.

Then I realized why they said eat small meals. I made me and Violet lunch. Jersey Mikes subs and heated up leftover Congee. If you’ve never had it it’s fabulous and the Asian community loves to make it for people under the weather. Their chicken soup. Maybe I shouldn’t have put that hot pepper relish on my sandwich. I made the mistake of being stuffed.

About 5:30 I got hit with a wave of heartburn then suddenly tired. I took a two hour nap!

Physically no sickness yet. Just body exhaustion. Hence why I sent my daughter into the store while I sip on a frozen Coke. I think the steroid is wearing off. But I’m feeling more energy as I write this or perhaps it’s the frozen coke.

Gonna still try to plow through this. But nap as needed and get up and go so I don’t become a slave to my own couch. Filling you in so you know and this helps me track what’s going on with me so I can plan things on my ‘good’ days.

Day Two

 They call it day 2, Day 1 being the day of treatment.  I thought I would share a little chart.

Today I felt good. I let my body tell me if I was going to work or not at the church. I didn’t set an alarm, I was up pretty late, trying to get through Project Hail Mary and sure enough I got up. I had my one cup of coffee allowed during the day and a glass of water.

I’m supposed to drink 64 ounces of non-caffeinated beverages a day. Hey, if that keeps me feeling good, I’ll suffer through that much liquid.

This evening I had some watermelon and it was so refreshing. If anyone has not-too-sweet hydration ideas, please let me know.

As the day progressed I felt better and better. It was nice after two days of pain, horrible pain with that lymph node for it finally to subside.

And yeah, those three days of soup and light sandwiches .. done. I’m starving.

But I have that feeling the shoe is gonna drop.

I’m ready. I have that chart lol. Not that I’ll follow it.

I know it’s silly being worried about work, but I want to work. I am hoping I don’t have to miss any work, but if have a backup if I do.

So, I can’t express enough how incredibly grateful I am for the support gifts that arrived. My friend Katie, who was so instrumental in my getting help, sent me boxes of stuff. 

If you can’t see by the picture, there are tons of comfy socks, caps and beanies, a hot comb, blanket, and wigs, one of them is spectacularly nice. I actually ordered a set of wig stands from Amazon. She had them all in nice boxes, I want to let them hang out and I’ll play with them, give them names and then do a fashion slide show.

Yesterday in the waiting room, I watched women walk in. I really didn’t know what to take with me except for a drink, and figured I’ll figure it out. But every woman that walked in had this big bag, they were all the same size, shape, but different colors. To annoy my daughter, I would whisper, “She has a big bag. Look, another big bag.”

“Yes, mom, I know.” And Allie frantically searched Amazon.

“Another big bag.”

“Yes, Mom, I know. I see.”

“You don’t think they’re internally making fun of me for having a Dollar Tree plastic bag.”

“We’ll get you a big bag like these women.”

And BAM …

Today a box arrives, my friend and longtime reader Marcella, made me a blanket, (Made with love and prayers) and what does she have it in? A big bag! Same size and shape! I was so excited.

It will hold the blanket of the day, socks, bag of chips from Canada, a sandwich, my reiki bag (Also a gift) and drink.

I know, I know it’s a treatment blanket, but I used it when I took a nap today!

I will use each blanket, alternating them each treatment. I am so grateful.

Now to have some protein. Thank God I finally finished Project Hail Mary. It took me Four Days but I pushed through. I needed to see why everyone loved it. I haven’t figured that out yet.

Ah heck, we're off and Running

 

I’m off and running or walking because they didn’t let me move too fast.

Ya know that freaking CT scan did a number on me. The upward position of my arm really hurt and caused it to swell, compression, elevation, nothing worked.

And boy did I complain to the doctor about that procedure. She said since my scan was clean the next one we can do without the drink. Yay.

Back to today, she was explaining everything to me after the exam and pointed to my arm and said, “We expect that to go down when they lymph node swelling does with this.”

It was unpromoted. I didn’t ask. I’ll take it.

Holy Cow in a field of flies …..Was this a long day.

A battle through rush hour to get to the hospital. I check in for bloodwork at 8:36, 9 minutes early. They take me back right on time. Now I know I have to wait for results before I see the doctor and start treatment.

I go back to the doctor 15 minutes early only to find out not all results were in. Okay,

It took another 90 for results because some machine was down.

Finally, back to treatment and they didn’t have comfy chairs so they put me in a bed! What no! My arm. They gave me pillows to prop but I know I have to move.

"Can't I have a chair." I asked.

"We're full, you can wait."

"No."

I got premeds and treatment.

The whole thing was so long because they gave the medication slowly and had 30 min observation intervals. Four hours.

They did serve lunch. Allie got me soup as well.

I was happy to get home. I am planning small meals over the next couple days, they say eat small amounts a lot during the day. That means not skipping breakfast. I am hoping for the best so that I am not flattened by side effects but realistic and strong enough to face them. This blog will help me keep track of when I feel things.

I got my alcohol pads ready to sniff to ease sudden nausea.

I need a video to show you guys the wonderful stuff I have received. Every thing was and is amazing and I started using them.

More tomorrow

Let the chemo begin but first ....

 This blog is a vent.

If you listen closely, you will hear the echoes of me screaming in complete frustration. Another medical test and yet another test no one warned me about.

I’m not talking people I know, I am talking medical professionals.

I had to get a CT scan of my abdomen which completes my body scan.

If you ever have to get a CT of your abdomen with contrast, be forewarned.

No one said anything.

It wasn’t in the details section of my chart.

No mention of ‘get there an hour before your appoint to prep for hell’

Nor did Lynette warn me.

Who is Lynette.

The miserable receptionist that said to me, “You’re having contrast, I’ll get your drinks.”

Wait. What?

“Lemon, Orange or tea flavored,” she asked.

She wasn’t talking coolers.

I chose tea and I’ll never drink McDonald’s Sweet tea or any other sweet tea again.

I knew when she slid open that window she wasn’t there to brighten my day. I knew when I handed her back the information sheet and asked, “I don’t know what this means.” And she replied, “Neither do I.”

Window slam.

I was in trouble.

After she puts the bracelet on me, she brings out two LARGE Styrofoam cups and tells me I have one hour to drink both.

They were huge. A total of forty ounces. When she handed it to me, you would have thought it would be nice for her to say, “Hey by the way in a couple hours, you’re going to have horrible gastrointestinal issues.”

Or.

Even if not Lynette, how about the chick that did my IV. I bitched to her about how bad the drink was.

She could have said something.

Back up. Why did I have to get an IV in my arm when I went through all that to get a port?

Or the CT scan ladies. Who also put that warm weird stuff in my IV.

I was miserable.

It was a miserable day. I have that inflamed and painful lymph node under my arm and holding my arms above my head for fifteen minutes was torturous. For both the lymph node and port side.

No one. No one said a word about the ‘After’.

About ten minutes from home, I started feeling queasy.

I ate a cracker.

Despite the fact I drank a ton of water to flush my system, it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

I thought something was wrong with me, that I was having a bad reaction, so, I did what anyone would do. I Googled and sure enough, thread after thread about it. It’s normal. Some folks were told to take the rest of the day off, some, like me, blindsided.

Finally by seven and after a long nap, I felt better.

It was a scan, a freaking scan. I will take the loud noise of the MRI any day over this.

Dude, why would they schedule something like this the day before Chemo?

When I go in tomorrow and have my doctor’s visit, I am going to tell them about this. And I’ll tell them to let people know it is not a pleasant experience.

I’m pissed because I have Chemo and know my feeling good days will be slim and they took the one day away from me when I was able to feel good and do things.

And didn’t tell me it would suck.

I’m getting ready for tomorrow. I got a large wonton soup for tomorrow and made sandwiches for nibbling and small meals.

It is going to be a long day for the first infusion. They have to monitor me before they send me home.

There was a bright spot to my day. A friend had sent two boxes of stuff for me. I loved it. And I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. I am going to try to write on my phone while getting treatment. Not sure how that will go.

Thanks for letting me vent.

**UPDATE** just say my scan results. No new cancer in the abdomen or lower region. Another win!

Preparing for the Week

 

Since I don’t work a normal 9-5 job, any time I have to get up early crushes me. Not that I sleep late, but I like to set my own clock rules.

Sunday and Wednesday at church mean that I have to get up early.

Okay two days I can handle. But now, with all these tests, scans and so forth, getting up early because I have to travel into town has become the norm.

I hate it.

It not only adds an extra hour of travel it’s an extra hour earlier I need to get up.

Tomorrow, I have a full body scan at 9:00 am, last one for at least 6 weeks. Yay!

Am I scared? No.

Am I worried that more ‘spots’ will pop up.

Actually no. If they do, they do.

At this point it doesn’t matter because it already  hit my lymph nodes, and with this type of breast cancer, once it does that … boom like shrapnel it’s everywhere. It’s all the same cancer that the treatment will fight. It doesn’t matter here or there, it’s going after it.

Tuesday is my first treatment. 100%  full strength, Extra long. First go.

Am I worried? No.

Am I scared .. yes

What will I face? What is going to happen? Will I have debilitating symptoms like nausea and stuff or will they feel like a minor inconvenience?  I will not know until I undergo the treatment.

One thing I do know is what they told me I can and should not eat during chemo. Number one thing is sushi and raw fish.

Wait. What?

That is the bane of my existence.

So today, Sunday, my daughter took me to my favorite place to eat., a place she works (Thanks discount)

I loaded up on all the things I can’t have during chemo. Oysters, raw fish ….

It was an amazing lunch.

But there it was …

A fun time. A waiter that was clueless. Normalcy. Until it wasn’t. Here’s the video;

Until tomorrow when I really unload it all on you. And by the time I post tomorrow I should know about the scan.