Life's Little Encouragments

The most exciting feeling happened when I typed the words The End yesterday. I finished a book. Now I know, that’s nothing new for me but this time it was a milestone. Before my diagnosis, when waiting for my appointments, my mind and heart were full and focusing was hard. But I did what I could and finished my projects for my publisher.

In April I started a book and stopped. May I started another. This time whittling through and then came the diagnosis and my life turned upside down. Hospitals, doctors, tests, treatment that crushed my body and more times than I would admit or show, my spirit.

Through it all I did not spend one day in bed. I got up and showered and went out somewhere. I continued my work at the church. But writing was hard. My left hand sucked with neuropathy and swelling from lymphedema. Physically and mentally I worried I’d never be the writer I was.

Slowly with treatment my arm swelling started to go and over the last couple treatments I regained control of my hand again. I woke up and looked at the calendar and decided I was taking my life back. I spent enough time letting cancer live in my head and body, my head and mind was mine.

The week of 48 Hours film fest, I decided even if sick, I would be me. Sure I’d take it easy if need be. And I did the festival. Then I went to my vault. I found a screenplay and decided it would make a good book. It was the motivation I needed. I finished the book in 4 weeks and it felt amazing. My kickstarter was a success and I got the cover and secured an editor. To top it off the scans were good. Still waiting to speak to my doctor but the results were so promising it pushed me even more. I will finish the other book but I am going to Beginnings. That series is me. Sorry for the long blog. I plan on a Facebook live Q and A during chemo for my new releases that come out on Tuesday and to let you see what it’s like. Fingers crossed the oncologist confirms the results I read on the scans.

I hope if you can, you'll join me Tuesday. It will be on my main FB page and I am thinking 12:30 EST. Hard to pinpoint a time when you go in there.

What Tomorrow Brings

 The title of this blog is actually a title of one of my books. But it fits. I am so excited about this hat my daughter made for me (Finally) I hope to have a collection of them, but I’ll have hair by the time I wait for her to make another one. One of my readers on FB said they’d make me one. I am super excited. I think this works for me.

I do have that great wig and I wore it our the other day. It didn’t feel right and felt like it was just resting on my head like a helmet. It seemed to be puffing out more than photos I posted. Despite combing it and using the taming spray. Then I realized, ‘the band’. I was wearing a band to keep it in place better, and my head is so small, that it made it kind of (For lack of a better word) Levitate from my head. Today I put it on without the band, and while I need to be careful of slippage, it looked so much better and felt better. EXCEPT … it is too shiny when I am out in the sun. I saw my reflection and it was just shimmering. I washed it with baby shampoo today, I saw on line to do that. It is still wet but already looks better.

I’m excited for my birthday coming up. On Saturday, Terri and I are going to my all time favorite place to eat, Mitchell’s. Because this is my I AM month,  Saturday for dinner I am going to be confident. I am going to be wearing make up and something other than a tee shirt and jeans. I am … excited to do that.

My daughter reminded me the other day that I have worn wigs in the past. IN particularly last Mother’s Day when I dressed incognito to meet my son. Sort of a pay back. See Pics. I played the part the wig made me feel, and she told me if I feel uncomfortable play the part of my wig.

It will be Moira! Enough said.

IAM … also confident that I am not losing weight this cycle. This bad week (Knock on wood) has not been so bad and I have not lost my appetite. My friend Jack brought me some awesome mac and cheese, Paul from church brought soup. Oh, and Jack also brought me some amazing pickle moonshine. It did take my daughter to say to me, “Whoa Ma, not a whole shot. It’s 200 proof” Thanks, Jack, I can’t wait to tackle that pickle in there.

Tomorrow well, what does tomorrow bring … scan day. Am I nervous? More than I care to admit. But I am putting all faith in God that he has this and has a plan. But if you think of me around 11 am EST send some good vibes and prayers my way.

And that’s all. Hope everyone is have a great week.

Svanxiety

 A friend reached out today to check on me because I haven’t been posting much on Facebook. She was the second person in two days to do that. Then I realized, wow I haven’t. Not because something is wrong but because as a writer, I just don’t want to bore you with the same information.

Oh, no, I am nauseous.

Wow, I feel great.

Damn it I am so hungry!

Those sort of things.

I’ve been dealing with treatment and wondering though, am I getting used to the nausea or is it getting better?

I probably am just building up a tolerance.

I’m still freaking bald, well, I have peach fuzz that’s white. I asked my daughter do I have a scalp condition or is that white peach fuzz.

She said it’s very white peach fuzz.

Hey if it grows in enough to cover my head I’ll take it.

In the meantime I have been practicing my wig wearing for the cooler temperatures.

I do get my scans on Friday and I am nervous. They call it scanxiety for a reason. It causes anxiety. I want badly for the scans to be stable or reduced but a part of me is scared. I have to keep my faith in God and all those praying for me.

One thing positive …. Which is another reason I haven’t been on much. I have been writing. The new book is almost done. I stopped writing the one that was slacking and dragging and moved to one that motivates me to finish. Plus, once I finish, I can get back to my Beginnings Series.

If I don’t write … I get bored so easily. I realized that tonight. Not feeling well enough to cook, which I always loved to do and not quite able to focus enough to work.

I’ll get there tonight and write some more. It’s been so helpful mentally.

One thing I am going to do, that I never did before, is I am going to do a kickstarter. A small one to do the cover for the new book. Being that I have had very little income, paying for a professional cover hard. I’ll do it, but I am hoping my kickstarter will work.

Hey, if Clive Barker can ask for 1.5 million, I can see if I can get $500. If it works, great, if not, the book will still come out.

Another goal for myself that I need.

I appreciate everyone worrying about me.

I am glad I have that and the prayers!

Cylce 5 - Day 1 - Thinness

 I think, or one would think I would have this down pat. I slept in today, not sure why I thought I could wake up up 7:45. Maybe I was thinking about working church. Anyhow, made it on time.

I looked mighty fancy and made a lot of people smile! Treatment went well, fast and easy.

This is me getting into my daughters car lol

Allie wasn't ready for they way I was dressed!

I was watching Food Network and got so caught up, I yelled out, “Jet, come on!” (Jet Tila)

My nurse, Jen thought I was yelling for her and hurried to me. I have to be more careful. Apparently no one watches the TVs

It went well. My weight dropped again. Down to 106. My oncologist isn’t concerned because she said my body is using all the energy to fight so I am burning calories.

I made the decision. Since I did that editing project, I was going to try something. There is a gourmet high calorie meal service that does gourmet puree delivery. It’s not expensive, same price as a doordash meal that I’ll never finish.

Now, I am positive that they won’t be good. But my problem seems to be on Days 6-12, I don’t eat because after 3 bites, I’m full or nauseous.

Unless it’s an applesauce cup or yogurt then I can eat the whole thing. But that’s not a lot of calories.

These meals aren’t much bigger than an applesauce cup and average 500 calories.

It's worth a shot. Hey, if I can finish 4 ounces of applesauce surely I can finish 4 ounces of pureed chicken parm. And they are designed for people who have digestive issues and or on Chemo, too. It won’t be the only thing I eat. The catch line is food is medicine.

For now I am taking advantage that while hopped up on steroids and other pre-chemo meds, I am going to eat!

I would like to add this. If I could feel this way every day, I would be so much better. Why can’t I get the same pre-meds during this cycle say Day 7?

Updating finally, right?

 

Long time no blog, right?

It’s been busy and well, of course, I was getting over the bronchitis. Feeling so much better. I wish I had more strength, I just wear out so easily.

A friend and reader Bobbi, told me not to overdo it.

Guess what?

I did. It’s okay. I need to start feeling normal again. I work at the church and writing like a mad woman felt good and this weekend I did the 48 hour film fest. I was back to doing what I love. Filmmaking and creating.

Make a movie in 48 hours starting Friday night with  writing it and then filming on Saturday.

Did I look awesome. Heck no. I rocked the bald and baseball cap and baggy comfy clothes. I actually looked like my grandfather.

That’s not an exaggeration. My friend Matt, took pictures and asked if he could post them. I told sure. I thought he was so sweet, but you know what. As unattractive as I am right now, this is what cancer looks like you're you aren't letting it win.

I had a ton of help tho so I wasn’t carrying it alone, but still it was a lot but I am proud that I did it. Man, my filmmaker buddies are the best.

My daughter said the good thing was all of us on the team are older so we’ll want to get done to take a nap.

 I had the energy mentally but physically, I guess being a chemo lazy lump for months didn’t help. My legs were sore yesterday and I still had church work to do as well.

The shoot was fun and it went so well.

I went to work today and  now as I write this,  I am so tired. I had a late lunch and devoured a cheeseburger. Not sure I can eat right now. I just feel blah. I know most of that is from doing too much.

So I am going to take tonight, rest and relax, tomorrow I will get back on the writing horse plus I took on a freelance editing project to make some extra money.

Then, well, we all know what Tuesday is.

We start again.

Until Next blog!

If it's not one thing

 

As you can tell no glam day. Violet went to a friend’s after school especially since finding out my Ramen Now machine didn’t show up.

Jokes on her, it showed up this weekend. But I did try it and make it. The teens are gonna love it, me, I think it takes as long as making it on the stove.

I’ll let her have a go at it after school.

Special shout out to Pam for the super fun socks she gave me. I am so excited to wear them to treatment.

Speaking of which ….

Friday late afternoon I get a call from my doctor, that CT scan I had three weeks earlier to check for Pneumonitis the results came back. Pneumonitis is a worrisome thing that can happen with this treatment.

Since we didn’t hear anything, we assumed everything was good. The scan showed very early signs of it. Now they haven’t given me anything for it except instructions to call if I get a worsening cough, shortness of breath, and or fever. Until then they’re gonna let the pulmonary doctor decide whether we pause treatment until it clears up, lower the dose or keep going. I see her in a week.

I don’t want to pause this treatment. As sick as it makes me, I know it is working.

I have to put my faith in God that He will guide me to what’s best.

But I do have to let my care team know I developed a cold. I felt out of sorts today and when I got home and rested after church, took a nap, I woke up feeling like a sinus infection has set in.

Great. What’s normal for everyone else, I have to call a doctor about.

I will not be a happy camper if this lands me in the hospital. From what I see on the support group I am in, they are quick to throw you in a hospital bed.

So if you think about it, can you toss prayer my way?

On a brighter note, this is day 6. Usually my appetite is gone and I am feeling nauseous. Today I am keeping it at bay and even eating.

Feed a cold, starve a fever. I don’t have a fever.

I’d rather eat with a cold, then feel pathetic with nausea.

I’ll keep you updated.

Glam Tram and Impulses

 

I tried. I tried to be a ray of sunshine yesterday at treatment. My cool Wonder Woman socks, complete with cape made everyone smile. I am now in a crazy sock contest with the one aide, so I have to step up my game and really get crazy. If you see any, send me a link.

I should have known it was gonna be a long day. The waiting room was packed and they didn’t call me back for my 9 am bloodwork until 930, then I sat and waited another twenty minutes for the draw. My clinical exam was on time, but I didn’t go back to be hooked up until 11 and then treatment didn’t start until noon.

Why? There’s no chemo on Labor Day so they were double booked. It was crazy, but my mood stayed good until they told me my magnesium was low and they had to add an hour to my time to get a bag of magnesium. I didn’t want the treatment and it took my Physician’s assistant and navigator nurse to tag team me on why I did need it. Okay, okay, I got it. Suffice to say, I didn’t get home until almost five pm.

My nap was a good one. I didn’t get one there. My son was with me and I was enjoying his company, plus I was talking to so many people.

I was okay until that mag bag and then I just wanted to go home. I have to get this magnesium up. My doctor said no supplements so I have to do it all with food. Putting on a big pot of collards tomorrow.

Anyhow, I get my scans in a month and we’ll be able to see internally how the treatment is going. Externally the palpable lumps have shrunk and I had a routine CT scan to check for inflammation from the treatment. It looked good, showed the lymph nodes in my sternum had gone down and the effects of smoking are reversing.

Tomorrow my granddaughter is gonna glam me up, so be ready. She asked if she could, She’s 16 and said total transformation, so who knows what that means. There will be pictures.

Oh, yeah, one more thing. That Glam up request came after I asked her if she’d make a product video for me. If you were wondering why that picture is there, I had an impulse buy after seeing it on facebook. I shouldn’t have. Money is so tight, but I treated myself with easy payments. It arrives tomorrow, the Ramen Now. And when I uploaded a video review to their site, they send a link to get a case of ramen from around the world free.

I asked Violet to do the video and in exchange I get a glam. Whatever that means.