Just another Update

 

This is going to be an incredibly busy week and to be honest, I am getting stressed thinking about it. Tomorrow is treatment #7. Can you believe that? This last go around wasn’t as easy as the previous one and I know why. Side effects started a day earlier than usual so I started my meds earlier, which in turn had me running low and eventually rationing.

Note to self. Do not ration anti nausea meds, call the care team.

My insurance only covers so many, but I will be discussing options with them tomorrow.

I did research and found out that the antacid I have been taking causes low magnesium, which has been a problem every infusion. So I stopped taking it to see, which … didn’t help the nausea.

I was functional. Not like in the beginning when I was really sick, but it wasn’t a walk in the park this cycle.

So that’s treatment. Wednesday is an MRI because we all know this shit can go to the brain. I have been looking up tips to make it more tolerable with the noise. Wednesday afternoon an immediate appointment with the neurologist to discuss the MRI, Thursday a breast appointment.

Saturday will be an all day thing at the church as we ordain the new reverend.

I am really more nervous about that day. So close to chemo, I am so afraid I am going to just be too sick or not have the strength.

But I did call off for Sunday.

Mentally, I don’t know why I have been more worried lately and stressed. I am trying not to be, praying my way through it, I feel like no one wants to hear about it anymore. Maybe that’s just me and I know it’s bound to get me down some.

Thankfully I have been really writing a lot. I mean a lot. I have returned to doing a lot of things I stopped doing. Like going into the stores at night when they aren’t crowded. I know that doesn’t sound like the life of the party. My immune system is pretty compromised.

I hate the way I look and that plays a huge role in it. Eh, I guess this cycle beat me down physically and mentally. It was bound to happen, I’ll bounce back. And those who know me and know my writing, Frank is a huge help.

I wanted to update everyone on how things are going. I’m pushing through. Keep those prayers coming, I really appreciate them.

Food, food and more food ... thank Goodness

 

I rarely order Aldi to be delivered but it was free Instacart delivery and I figured what the hell. I ordered the four things I needed then browsed the app and found some cool things. One of which, free frozen pizza. Say what? I am not kidding. Yesterday the new Red Baron Crunch time was absolutely free at Aldi. I thought for sure no way will I get one, by the time my shopper gets there surely they’d be sold out, they weren’t.

I don’t eat frozen pizza but my grandson loves them and he gave this a semi thumbs up but it needs more sauce. Hey, it was free.

Things have been going good. I think this cycle I’m feeling it a bit more than last one. Background nausea which is made better by ginger. Very mild but I am seeing a correlation between the evening nausea and sleep. The two days this week I am feeling it were both days I had a hard time sleeping and had to be up early.

I have to find something to help me sleep at night. I do fine if I don’t try to go to bed before 3 am. But I just can’t fall asleep before that even if I get up early and skip a nap. My damn internal sleep clock.

On a positive note I am cooking again. Even if I don’t eat it, the smell of food isn’t getting me sick. I still avoid cooking mid cycle just to be safe. I eat what people bring me during those days, something from the freezer and an easy meal.

Tonight I made a ham. Yeah, a ham. Like it was a freaking holiday. Who makes a ham in the middle of the week? Me. Why? I was talking to my daughter yesterday about when I would go to my mother in laws for Christmas and I loved her ham and the homemade school buns made by Aunt Dorothy. She was a lunch lady back in the day and the buns were amazing. Ham on this bun with a slice of tomato.

There was a bake sale at the polls today and what do I see? Homemade Buns. They looked and smelled exactly like I remembered. Well, I had to go find a ham. I did.

Look how awesome these buns look! The ham looks like ham.

But I have a ton of ham I’ll be sharing with my daughters.

Other than another treatment coming up, I think I really am growing some hair. I have more white peach fuzz on my head and six hairs on my arm. Yay progress. Here’s to Santa bringing me a GI Jane look by Christmas.

The Kindness of Many

I wanted to write a blog of appreciation and let’s start with that. I was talking to my daughter about the kindness of others during this time and said to her, “I want to do a blog about things people can do for those who live alone and going through chemo.” Then I thought I don’t want anyone to think this is a shout out for people to do this for me. I just think the unique things people have done have made a difference. As I started the list I was floored by it all, so if you know someone, please be inspired by what so many have done for me.

Here’s the list I compiled.

Homemade pudding and custard that hit the spot when nothing else did.

Soups and casseroles in the freezer, single serving take out and heat.

Mac n cheese that feeds me and my grandson for days

An adult beverage that is needed when no one else was brave enough to bring me one.

Taking out my garbage when you pop by.

Uncluttering the chemo mess in the kitchen.

A visit and talk.

Shaving my head even though it was just as hard for you.

Random texts asking how I am.

Fixing something that maintenance keeps screwing up.

Praying for me. This means so much.

Not being afraid to walk up to me and ask how I am. You’d be amazed how many people that know me are uncomfortable with me (That’s okay)

Doing my floors for me every Sunday before Chemo

Making me hats and/or sending them. Trust me I know who made and sent each one and I think of you and thank you as I put it on.

Blankets! I use everyone I get! I feel your warmth.

The cards, the cards that come with words of hope and prayer.

The hard candy that relieves nausea

The messages that are so encouraging for strength.

Not giving up on me.

Caring, genuinely caring.

It’s a huge list but one that I wanted to share because everyone has really made a difference in this journey that is far from over. The kindness of others keeps me going and has been amazing for my mental health. Thank you.

Life's Little Encouragments

The most exciting feeling happened when I typed the words The End yesterday. I finished a book. Now I know, that’s nothing new for me but this time it was a milestone. Before my diagnosis, when waiting for my appointments, my mind and heart were full and focusing was hard. But I did what I could and finished my projects for my publisher.

In April I started a book and stopped. May I started another. This time whittling through and then came the diagnosis and my life turned upside down. Hospitals, doctors, tests, treatment that crushed my body and more times than I would admit or show, my spirit.

Through it all I did not spend one day in bed. I got up and showered and went out somewhere. I continued my work at the church. But writing was hard. My left hand sucked with neuropathy and swelling from lymphedema. Physically and mentally I worried I’d never be the writer I was.

Slowly with treatment my arm swelling started to go and over the last couple treatments I regained control of my hand again. I woke up and looked at the calendar and decided I was taking my life back. I spent enough time letting cancer live in my head and body, my head and mind was mine.

The week of 48 Hours film fest, I decided even if sick, I would be me. Sure I’d take it easy if need be. And I did the festival. Then I went to my vault. I found a screenplay and decided it would make a good book. It was the motivation I needed. I finished the book in 4 weeks and it felt amazing. My kickstarter was a success and I got the cover and secured an editor. To top it off the scans were good. Still waiting to speak to my doctor but the results were so promising it pushed me even more. I will finish the other book but I am going to Beginnings. That series is me. Sorry for the long blog. I plan on a Facebook live Q and A during chemo for my new releases that come out on Tuesday and to let you see what it’s like. Fingers crossed the oncologist confirms the results I read on the scans.

I hope if you can, you'll join me Tuesday. It will be on my main FB page and I am thinking 12:30 EST. Hard to pinpoint a time when you go in there.

What Tomorrow Brings

 The title of this blog is actually a title of one of my books. But it fits. I am so excited about this hat my daughter made for me (Finally) I hope to have a collection of them, but I’ll have hair by the time I wait for her to make another one. One of my readers on FB said they’d make me one. I am super excited. I think this works for me.

I do have that great wig and I wore it our the other day. It didn’t feel right and felt like it was just resting on my head like a helmet. It seemed to be puffing out more than photos I posted. Despite combing it and using the taming spray. Then I realized, ‘the band’. I was wearing a band to keep it in place better, and my head is so small, that it made it kind of (For lack of a better word) Levitate from my head. Today I put it on without the band, and while I need to be careful of slippage, it looked so much better and felt better. EXCEPT … it is too shiny when I am out in the sun. I saw my reflection and it was just shimmering. I washed it with baby shampoo today, I saw on line to do that. It is still wet but already looks better.

I’m excited for my birthday coming up. On Saturday, Terri and I are going to my all time favorite place to eat, Mitchell’s. Because this is my I AM month,  Saturday for dinner I am going to be confident. I am going to be wearing make up and something other than a tee shirt and jeans. I am … excited to do that.

My daughter reminded me the other day that I have worn wigs in the past. IN particularly last Mother’s Day when I dressed incognito to meet my son. Sort of a pay back. See Pics. I played the part the wig made me feel, and she told me if I feel uncomfortable play the part of my wig.

It will be Moira! Enough said.

IAM … also confident that I am not losing weight this cycle. This bad week (Knock on wood) has not been so bad and I have not lost my appetite. My friend Jack brought me some awesome mac and cheese, Paul from church brought soup. Oh, and Jack also brought me some amazing pickle moonshine. It did take my daughter to say to me, “Whoa Ma, not a whole shot. It’s 200 proof” Thanks, Jack, I can’t wait to tackle that pickle in there.

Tomorrow well, what does tomorrow bring … scan day. Am I nervous? More than I care to admit. But I am putting all faith in God that he has this and has a plan. But if you think of me around 11 am EST send some good vibes and prayers my way.

And that’s all. Hope everyone is have a great week.

Svanxiety

 A friend reached out today to check on me because I haven’t been posting much on Facebook. She was the second person in two days to do that. Then I realized, wow I haven’t. Not because something is wrong but because as a writer, I just don’t want to bore you with the same information.

Oh, no, I am nauseous.

Wow, I feel great.

Damn it I am so hungry!

Those sort of things.

I’ve been dealing with treatment and wondering though, am I getting used to the nausea or is it getting better?

I probably am just building up a tolerance.

I’m still freaking bald, well, I have peach fuzz that’s white. I asked my daughter do I have a scalp condition or is that white peach fuzz.

She said it’s very white peach fuzz.

Hey if it grows in enough to cover my head I’ll take it.

In the meantime I have been practicing my wig wearing for the cooler temperatures.

I do get my scans on Friday and I am nervous. They call it scanxiety for a reason. It causes anxiety. I want badly for the scans to be stable or reduced but a part of me is scared. I have to keep my faith in God and all those praying for me.

One thing positive …. Which is another reason I haven’t been on much. I have been writing. The new book is almost done. I stopped writing the one that was slacking and dragging and moved to one that motivates me to finish. Plus, once I finish, I can get back to my Beginnings Series.

If I don’t write … I get bored so easily. I realized that tonight. Not feeling well enough to cook, which I always loved to do and not quite able to focus enough to work.

I’ll get there tonight and write some more. It’s been so helpful mentally.

One thing I am going to do, that I never did before, is I am going to do a kickstarter. A small one to do the cover for the new book. Being that I have had very little income, paying for a professional cover hard. I’ll do it, but I am hoping my kickstarter will work.

Hey, if Clive Barker can ask for 1.5 million, I can see if I can get $500. If it works, great, if not, the book will still come out.

Another goal for myself that I need.

I appreciate everyone worrying about me.

I am glad I have that and the prayers!

Cylce 5 - Day 1 - Thinness

 I think, or one would think I would have this down pat. I slept in today, not sure why I thought I could wake up up 7:45. Maybe I was thinking about working church. Anyhow, made it on time.

I looked mighty fancy and made a lot of people smile! Treatment went well, fast and easy.

This is me getting into my daughters car lol

Allie wasn't ready for they way I was dressed!

I was watching Food Network and got so caught up, I yelled out, “Jet, come on!” (Jet Tila)

My nurse, Jen thought I was yelling for her and hurried to me. I have to be more careful. Apparently no one watches the TVs

It went well. My weight dropped again. Down to 106. My oncologist isn’t concerned because she said my body is using all the energy to fight so I am burning calories.

I made the decision. Since I did that editing project, I was going to try something. There is a gourmet high calorie meal service that does gourmet puree delivery. It’s not expensive, same price as a doordash meal that I’ll never finish.

Now, I am positive that they won’t be good. But my problem seems to be on Days 6-12, I don’t eat because after 3 bites, I’m full or nauseous.

Unless it’s an applesauce cup or yogurt then I can eat the whole thing. But that’s not a lot of calories.

These meals aren’t much bigger than an applesauce cup and average 500 calories.

It's worth a shot. Hey, if I can finish 4 ounces of applesauce surely I can finish 4 ounces of pureed chicken parm. And they are designed for people who have digestive issues and or on Chemo, too. It won’t be the only thing I eat. The catch line is food is medicine.

For now I am taking advantage that while hopped up on steroids and other pre-chemo meds, I am going to eat!

I would like to add this. If I could feel this way every day, I would be so much better. Why can’t I get the same pre-meds during this cycle say Day 7?