Life's Little Encouragments

The most exciting feeling happened when I typed the words The End yesterday. I finished a book. Now I know, that’s nothing new for me but this time it was a milestone. Before my diagnosis, when waiting for my appointments, my mind and heart were full and focusing was hard. But I did what I could and finished my projects for my publisher.

In April I started a book and stopped. May I started another. This time whittling through and then came the diagnosis and my life turned upside down. Hospitals, doctors, tests, treatment that crushed my body and more times than I would admit or show, my spirit.

Through it all I did not spend one day in bed. I got up and showered and went out somewhere. I continued my work at the church. But writing was hard. My left hand sucked with neuropathy and swelling from lymphedema. Physically and mentally I worried I’d never be the writer I was.

Slowly with treatment my arm swelling started to go and over the last couple treatments I regained control of my hand again. I woke up and looked at the calendar and decided I was taking my life back. I spent enough time letting cancer live in my head and body, my head and mind was mine.

The week of 48 Hours film fest, I decided even if sick, I would be me. Sure I’d take it easy if need be. And I did the festival. Then I went to my vault. I found a screenplay and decided it would make a good book. It was the motivation I needed. I finished the book in 4 weeks and it felt amazing. My kickstarter was a success and I got the cover and secured an editor. To top it off the scans were good. Still waiting to speak to my doctor but the results were so promising it pushed me even more. I will finish the other book but I am going to Beginnings. That series is me. Sorry for the long blog. I plan on a Facebook live Q and A during chemo for my new releases that come out on Tuesday and to let you see what it’s like. Fingers crossed the oncologist confirms the results I read on the scans.

I hope if you can, you'll join me Tuesday. It will be on my main FB page and I am thinking 12:30 EST. Hard to pinpoint a time when you go in there.

What Tomorrow Brings

 The title of this blog is actually a title of one of my books. But it fits. I am so excited about this hat my daughter made for me (Finally) I hope to have a collection of them, but I’ll have hair by the time I wait for her to make another one. One of my readers on FB said they’d make me one. I am super excited. I think this works for me.

I do have that great wig and I wore it our the other day. It didn’t feel right and felt like it was just resting on my head like a helmet. It seemed to be puffing out more than photos I posted. Despite combing it and using the taming spray. Then I realized, ‘the band’. I was wearing a band to keep it in place better, and my head is so small, that it made it kind of (For lack of a better word) Levitate from my head. Today I put it on without the band, and while I need to be careful of slippage, it looked so much better and felt better. EXCEPT … it is too shiny when I am out in the sun. I saw my reflection and it was just shimmering. I washed it with baby shampoo today, I saw on line to do that. It is still wet but already looks better.

I’m excited for my birthday coming up. On Saturday, Terri and I are going to my all time favorite place to eat, Mitchell’s. Because this is my I AM month,  Saturday for dinner I am going to be confident. I am going to be wearing make up and something other than a tee shirt and jeans. I am … excited to do that.

My daughter reminded me the other day that I have worn wigs in the past. IN particularly last Mother’s Day when I dressed incognito to meet my son. Sort of a pay back. See Pics. I played the part the wig made me feel, and she told me if I feel uncomfortable play the part of my wig.

It will be Moira! Enough said.

IAM … also confident that I am not losing weight this cycle. This bad week (Knock on wood) has not been so bad and I have not lost my appetite. My friend Jack brought me some awesome mac and cheese, Paul from church brought soup. Oh, and Jack also brought me some amazing pickle moonshine. It did take my daughter to say to me, “Whoa Ma, not a whole shot. It’s 200 proof” Thanks, Jack, I can’t wait to tackle that pickle in there.

Tomorrow well, what does tomorrow bring … scan day. Am I nervous? More than I care to admit. But I am putting all faith in God that he has this and has a plan. But if you think of me around 11 am EST send some good vibes and prayers my way.

And that’s all. Hope everyone is have a great week.

Svanxiety

 A friend reached out today to check on me because I haven’t been posting much on Facebook. She was the second person in two days to do that. Then I realized, wow I haven’t. Not because something is wrong but because as a writer, I just don’t want to bore you with the same information.

Oh, no, I am nauseous.

Wow, I feel great.

Damn it I am so hungry!

Those sort of things.

I’ve been dealing with treatment and wondering though, am I getting used to the nausea or is it getting better?

I probably am just building up a tolerance.

I’m still freaking bald, well, I have peach fuzz that’s white. I asked my daughter do I have a scalp condition or is that white peach fuzz.

She said it’s very white peach fuzz.

Hey if it grows in enough to cover my head I’ll take it.

In the meantime I have been practicing my wig wearing for the cooler temperatures.

I do get my scans on Friday and I am nervous. They call it scanxiety for a reason. It causes anxiety. I want badly for the scans to be stable or reduced but a part of me is scared. I have to keep my faith in God and all those praying for me.

One thing positive …. Which is another reason I haven’t been on much. I have been writing. The new book is almost done. I stopped writing the one that was slacking and dragging and moved to one that motivates me to finish. Plus, once I finish, I can get back to my Beginnings Series.

If I don’t write … I get bored so easily. I realized that tonight. Not feeling well enough to cook, which I always loved to do and not quite able to focus enough to work.

I’ll get there tonight and write some more. It’s been so helpful mentally.

One thing I am going to do, that I never did before, is I am going to do a kickstarter. A small one to do the cover for the new book. Being that I have had very little income, paying for a professional cover hard. I’ll do it, but I am hoping my kickstarter will work.

Hey, if Clive Barker can ask for 1.5 million, I can see if I can get $500. If it works, great, if not, the book will still come out.

Another goal for myself that I need.

I appreciate everyone worrying about me.

I am glad I have that and the prayers!