Not in my head

So yesterday I wrote a blog. You may not see it now, I made it private. Basically, the blog was about how me and my siblings reunited after years. How proud my mother would be.

I honestly didn’t think anything was wrong with the blog, I really didn’t, but it bothered one of my siblings and the early morning text telling me about it, prompted me to make it private.

I wasn’t letting it take over my thoughts or make me feel bad, because I didn’t have any ill intentions. I have other things on my mind, it was my blog, my story.

But my story upset someone.

Am I mad about it? Nope. I don’t have time for that.

Will I tell the other siblings about getting the message.

Nope.

I don’t have time for that.

Nor do I want another rift, which we are healing as a family.

Moving on.

Struggles.

So I was thinking about my son’s show this up coming week. Nestled in-between the cardiologist and port placement. I always like to do stand up and I was wondering what song he’d sing for me.

Then in a weird switch of thought, I remembered Beginnings and a song I wrote with my husband at the time, as a Beginnings theme song. I went and found the recording from almost twenty years ago. And the words .. omg, the words are so fitting for what I am facing. Like I wrote my fight song twenty years before my struggle. That’s the name of the song, The Struggle.

If you want to hear it, you can find the original and bad basement version here.

I reached out to my kids. I asked them to redo the song so I can listen to it with each treatment,  Let’s remake this song.

It’s going to be my fight song.

If you don’t want to listen, here are the words.

 

[Verse 1]

So much has happened when I look back now

My heart has pulled it through somehow

Spirit inside of us that strives for life

It gives us strength and will to survive

 

[Chorus]

The struggle will become a fight

Will we beat it me and you

When the darkness becomes a light

Can  it pull us through

We hear voices, they are calling us

Can they be a friend

Do they tell us to quit right now or

Fight it to the end

 

[Verse 2]

Is this real., is that what we face

With hope we can find a place

Together there's more than meets the eye

It takes more than one to keep it alive

 

[Chorus]

And the struggle has become a fight

Will we take it me and you

The darkness of the earth and  sky

Has made us see the truth

And we see what we now must face

We listen as they speak

The voices that are guiding us

Are now within our reach

 

[Bridge]

Hold on

We have so much so much to do

Hold on

We can make it me and you

Together we are strong

 

[Chorus]

And the struggle has become a fight

We beat it me and you

And the darkness of the earth and sky

Has finally pulled us through

And the voices that are calling us

They become our guide

We can move the heavens and the earth

If we all stand side by side