Strength from Others

First let me say thank you to all of you who are reading my blog. I honestly feel that as the night winds down I am talking to someone and they are listening.

Today was weird.

I woke up feeling, well, down.

I am woman enough to admit that I am scared about this echocardiogram, because I need my heart to be okay to be able to get this treatment.

I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to my mind was, ‘OMG I have this test tomorrow, what happens if my heart isn’t strong enough?’

It was a weird state of anxiety and panic, I never felt.

I read emails, wrote emails, read the news, everything I could think of not to think about this test. But it was there. Forefront.

This is important. I need to pass this test to get the Enhertu clinical trials.

I asked the oncologist, ‘what if I don’t pass’ to which she replied, we’ll find another way.

This treatment is miraculous. I can’t not pass. I have never woken with panic.

I plan to drink decaf tomorrow and not have my daughter drive me so my heart can relax.

It was a strange day of lots of things going through my mind.

Then I opened the door to leave for errands.

There outside my door was a HUGE box, all around it was marked ‘gift’. It was from a reader, a fan and amazing person, Carla.

The card inside the box held the words I needed to read. Encouragement, strength, you got this.

She sent me a beautiful quilt as you can see by the picture and snacks from Canada.

My anxiety day started to lessen and when I checked my mail box when I got home, there were three cards or support!

It was as if fate and God were telling me to Chill.

I read those cards, those inscriptions, closed my eyes and said a gentle thank you to God.

I know I am going to have bad days. This was one of those not so strong ones, but the moment I got down, I got signs. The cards, the box.

All of them uplifted me.

I’m still terrified about tomorrow, but I also  know, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome of the test.

No caffeine or Allie and her aggressive driving.

It is what it is.