Preparing and Waiting

 So here we are. 48 hours from finding my fate of treatment. That is a heavy load to carry, emotionally. The worry is a lot. I’ve done a lot of praying and I know it is, what it is and nothing I can do to change the past on the future.

I wonder if Tuesday is the day I will cry about it. I haven’t yet. The tears I have shed have been tears of being touched by the outpour of love and support of others and the moments when I think about how I am never going to be able to afford the care to get well.

Hopefully, I’ll get approved for the supplement.

I don’t mean to be such a Debbie Downer, I am trying to keep these blogs hopeful and light, but I want everyone to know what I am feeling and going through.

Eventually I will do some video reels.

I don’t know what Tuesday will bring. I stopped checking my app to see if biopsy results are in. If they were I am sure I would google and put myself in a state. I’ll let the doctor tell me.

I am giving it to God to handle my fear of finding out that there’s nothing they can do.

My friend, Katie assured me there will be a plan of action. I pray that all the stories I hear about the advancement of treatments are true.

I know I’m rambling and rattling my emotions. I am sure these blogs will get more intense

Today was a good day. I mean it really was. I worked at the church and it was candidate Sunday. Meaning they found a permanent pastor and the mystery pastor came today to preach. This person was invigorating and the energy in the church was amazing.

Again, a goal. the New Pastor starts in July and I am so excited to work with them. I love having goals.

So many people have been so kind offering help. I plan on taking people up on that. I really do, so if you offered don’t be surprised if I call.

As for now, at the time of penning this … I need a nap!

 

FEELING TODAY: Worried but Good

MUSIC: Brave by Sara Bareilles

GOAL: Format the Broken Compilation