Author Beware - Yeah, they tried to scam me

First, let me start by saying that I didn’t get scammed. They tried, but since this is one I haven’t heard of I thought I would share. Especially for authors out there that may not work in film as I do.  I did some research and found out this was happening more so two years ago, but now it’s back.

It started with an email.

An email came to the account I use for my amazon KDP, not my public email. It was from some director interested in talking to me about movie rights to one of my books. I looked up this director, Peter Andrews. The email looked legit, he had links to his IMDB, etc. So I replied, saying I was interested in what he had to tell me.

He replied the next day, which scammers are usually waiting for you to reach for the hook. He said it would be better to talk on the phone. We set up a call time and I gave him my work number.

I get a call, right on time from a man that identified himself as John Greene. He said hw was an acquisition agent with Amazon Prime. He was looking at my catalog and was interested in acquiring movie rights to My Dead World.

“Ok.” And that was what I said in a confused sort of way. “Ok.”

“Now Mr. Andrews is ready to pitch this to our team of investors next Thursday.”

“Ok.”

“Now are you familiar with how the process works, getting investors, pre production?” he asked.

“I’m a filmmaker.”

“Great! So I don’t have to explain all this to you. Now we’re prepared to offer you 400k for rights to the series.”

“Hmm.”

“What?” he asked.

“That seems a little high, ok, just go on.”

He did and asked if he could send me a test email. I told him yes and which email to send it. When asked if I received it, I said yes. This is what I got.

“What do you need from me?” I questioned.

“We need a treatment and a concept trailer, which is a high quality pitch to—”

“Yes,” I cut him off. “I know what it is. I see this company listed in the email. Creative Films.”

“Yes, they are willing and ready to do the trailer for you. That’s what they do.”

“How much?”

After going back and forth he told me, “Five grand.”

“John, why would I give Creative Films five grand for something I can do. I have access to the best equipment, filmmakers and editors in the country. I’ll do it. Send me the specs, I’ll handle it.”

Silence.

He gathered himself and chipper said, “I’ll talk to Mr. Andrews. I don’t see that as a problem and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

He never did.

Apparently, I learned this is a way to take advantage of authors. Sort of like those publishers who charged ten grand to edit and do a cover for a book that sells ten copies, promising the moon.

I suspected it was a scam, but knew when he said the amount for film rights. How many others wouldn’t know and would be so excited for an opportunity. Shame on Creative Films for taking such a dubious approach. If a film producer is really interested in your work, I won’t dismiss that they won’t email you if you’re self published, but chances are, they aren’t going to pump sunshine with a high offer up your butt before asking for money from you.

Tale of Three Turkeys

 Nothing says Thanksgiving more than holiday visits with family and friendly sibling competition, especially when they don’t know they are competing.

This year 75% of my kids held their own Thanksgiving Dinners. Three out of four in case you don’t know how many offspring I have. The lone non-cooker, was happy just to not cook.  I decided that during the course of my holiday I would go to every child’s home and have their dinner. It was the morning of that I created a score sheet. Why not? It would be fun.

Upon finding out that my first former husband was doing the same, I figured we’d compare notes.

I went to Drew’s home first, he went to Roni’s home first, we switched and met up at Noah's.

When they found out we were secretly voting, the competition began. They wished they knew ahead of time, but what would be the fun in that?

I preselected my scoring criteria and off I went.

Three houses. Three Turkeys. All prepared three different ways. Deep fried, roasted and smoked.

Off I went.

First stop, my son Drew. Let’s start by saying that 75% of my children cook well, the final 25% can care less, but I am willing to bet in ten years she’s on Top Chef. Okay, maybe not.

Drew had just purchased his first home with his family a month ago. So I knew this would mean a lot to him. He wanted to deep fry the bird and spent more money getting the things he needed than he did on the turkey.

I had deep fried turkey once before  and was not impressed. The worrisome mother in me was frantic about my son working with a vat of hot oil. So fearful of him catching himself on fire, I sent him an article on what NOT to do when deep frying a turkey.

It was quiet at his house, just him, Gina, their kids and Gina’s mom. He and Gina were working together to get the food out. Drew proudly boasted that deep fryer and the fact he hadn’t caught himself or anything else on fire. It looked good in there. Golden brown, and after pulling it out, he basted it in the final touch of some butter coating.

I thought maybe I had the advantage of having the turkey fresh, but it was the best tasting, juiciest turkey I have ever had and his gravy, I could have drank it. In my mind though, he was going up against Noah in the gravy department and Noah is a gravy master. Bring on the competition. Hating to leave the quiet, relaxed feel of Drew’s, I knew I had to get to my daughter’s and his father was due to arrive and needed my parking spot.

Let me pause to say that my daughter and her best friend, ‘Life Partner’ were cohosting the dinner at Roni’s and were prepping and planning a long time.

I thought somewhere in my journey I entered a twilight zone. Because when I walked into my daughter’s home, I didn’t recognize a single person in the living room. Who were these people? Surely I was in the right house. They looked at me as if to say, ‘who is this old woman that just wandered in? Aw, is she in the right house. Bet she’s lost.’

Then I saw my daughter and she was dressed exactly like her best friend. They both said ‘welcome’ at the same time. Like some sort of Shining Movie Moment. I was led into the kitchen where I truly saw the fruits of their planning. Martha Stewart’s best effort probably looked like a Truck Stop buffet compared to the Kardashian bonanza my daughter put out.

There was so much food, so much variety, appetizer buffet, and there wasn’t just a charcuterie board, there was a charcuterie table. It was visually stunning and the food was fabulous.

It was evident how much hard work and effort they put into this Thanksgiving celebration.

The only downfall was I just didn’t feel comfortable because I really didn’t know anyone. Strangers packed at tables set up all over the house. And that’s okay. When I was her age, I invited anyone and everyone. People came to my home and stayed all hours. It was her show and she did a great job.

Onward to Noah’s.

I was going to stop right here and just because, say, “It was okay’ to mess with him, but that wouldn’t be fair. I know my oldest so well, that when he says a time, I know to go late. I was greeted warmly and stepped into a house where I knew everyone’s name and was perfectly on time. His company was long time friends and his wife’s family. Like an episode of Cheers, they all said ‘Hi’ at the same time. I was waiting for my son’s famous gravy, anxiously awaiting diving into it, and then I looked at the stove and experienced that Jason, screeching violin moment.

“Um, that’s not your gravy,” I said.

“No,” he replied. “I didn’t have enough drippings.”

“No!” I cried out.

“Here, Ma, have a drink.”

Ah, yes, my sons (And I say sons) know me. About the point I dove into his juicy, tender smoked turkey, Ex Hubby 1 arrived. After dinner, we shared notes. Both of us shared our dismay over the lack of Noah’s homemade gravy. But we did agree on who did the turkey best.

But I didn’t leave after that. I stayed, laughing with his guests and genuinely enjoying myself.

Pick a winner.

I went into this thinking I would pick a winner, but like picking your favorite child, how can a parent choose who did it best.

Each shined in one way.

Best food – My son, Drew. Ex husband and I both agreed his turkey was unforgettable. He focused on his meal and flavors, he didn’t culinarily spread himself thin, and it was comfort food at his best. The quiet, at home feel, was so relaxing.

Hands down Roni has to have it for the best planned Thanksgiving. Her spread and party planning were undeniable. All of her guests, at least 30 of them were comfortable, chatting, and enjoying their food.

Noah gets the award for the ‘Most like Mom feel’, eclectic guests that are enjoyable and an atmosphere that makes you forget the time. Honestly, he could have served Banquet chicken, canned corn and Little Debbie Pumpkin cakes and it wouldn’t have matter. Although, I really wish he made his gravy.

I am so proud of my kids, beyond proud. They all, in their own way killed it. I can’t pick one winner. As much as it sounds like a copout, they were all winners in their own way.

Next year though should be interesting because they are going to know I am keeping score.

The Pitfalls of Being a (armchair) Masterchef Contestant

Undoubtedly, you have heard of an armchair quarterback. I have now invented a new one, armchair, MasterChef contestant.

Like millions of others, maybe not that high, I became obsessed via binge watching the television show MasterChef. I had heard of it, but never watched it. After watching a TV show called Pressure Cooker, I found my love of cooking shows and movies and naturally gravitated to Masterchef. where have I been the last 14 years or so. Watching it, I hated Joe the judge and I loved Joe, in the same breath. I found myself rooting and cheering some contestants while begging for others to serve raw chicken. Early on the cooks were okay but as the seasons moved on they got better and we were privileged to Gordon Ramsey master classes. Some seasons I disliked because it was obvious who they favorited, but overall, it’s fantastic.

For the record, I can’t get into Masterchef Junior, the judges are way too nice.

Anyhow while watching the show I suddenly found myself loving to cook more, trying new things and techniques.

I’ve always been a good cook. Masterchef contestant level? No. I was a Mom cook and Nana cook. Whipping up comfort foods, like Mac n cheese, goulash, sloppy joes and a killer spaghetti sauce I learned from my grandmother.

But as the seasons rolled on and the contestants got better, so did I. Suddenly I was making a perfectly medium rare filet mignon,  my own pot stickers, I could poach a lobster, and do my own pasta. (Albeit I have a pasta machine now). Heck I made a rack of lamb with red wine reduction. Fondant potatoes are once a week. Before Masterchef I didn’t have a clue what a fondant potato was.

Every day, I kid you not, was a new cooking experience. I went from having three or four spices to an entire rack and a cabinet with Asian sauces and Indian spices I never would have thought to buy let alone know how to use. I do.

My fresh drunken noodles … the bomb.

My phone camera roll went from pictures of kids to mainly food I created (Obviously by this blog).

I was serving myself and granddaughter restaurant quality meals. I stopped getting take out because I wanted fresh. Not a bad thing right? I slowly became a food snob.

But something happened, something horrible.

While taking the path to great cooking I lost my knack for making tasty comfort foods. Or did I?

I learned this when I decided to make Mac n cheese. It didn’t taste right, gummy. The cheese was weird. I didn’t do anything different. Had to be a fluke. Then the confirmation came when I wanted Sloppy Joe’s. Simple right? No. They were horrible. Meat was hard, the sauce too sweet. One bite and I threw it out. Who fails at making Sloppy Joes. This lady here.

Ug! What happened to me? Did I become a horrible Mom cook or did I just get used to elevated style meals. I don’t even want to try a pot roast. Thankfully my sauce is still super killer.

Even though I lost my touch or rather palate for normal foods, I anxiously await season 13. Let the cooking neuroticism begin.

Sigh.

I really wanted a Sloppy Joe

The Great Bacon Off Test

It’s all about the bacon. You would think. In an unpopular opinion, probably even offensive to people, I’m not overly crazy about bacon. I think it goes back to my youth when we were “lucky” to get two pieces of bacon and it was hard to tell upon looking if it was even cooked. My parents loved their bacon fatty and limp. Yeah. Um no. But I do enjoy a bacon sandwich or a piece on a burger.

Which brings me to my hatred of cooking bacon. The grease, sizzle and snap of oil that burns your skin when it flies from the pan. The greatest invention to me was precooked bacon you out in the microwave or flash fry.

There are so many brands. I didn’t think they were too different until my granddaughter, Penny asked me for magical bacon (that’s what I call it because it’s done fast like magic). I only had two strips of one brand and made two strips of another. She refused to eat the second type because it was different.

Was it.? So I decided to take it to task and invite two of my grandkids over for a bacon off.  Lily is five, Aiden is 14.

They didn’t know which was which. Plates simply number one through five. I asked them to score 1 – 10 and tell me what they liked or didn’t.

I cooked the bacon according to the package instructions and both kids knew this.

Here is an image before and after. I apologize because the kids dug into bacon 2 and 3 before I could take the photo.

Here are the results I quote their own words. (Video of their final results at the end)

Bacon One – Sugardale

 

Lily: Score 3.

“Not impressed, said it was too hard and burnt, but the flavor was okay.”

Aiden: Score 7

“Love this bacon, can I have the rest?”

SCORE TOTAL: 10/20 

Bacon Two – Oscar Myer

Lily: Score 8

“Texture is great and it tastes good and bacony.”

Aiden: Score 5

“Texture is good, tastes is a little off and is greasy.”

 SCORE TOTAL: 13/20

 

Bacon Three – Trader Joe’s

 

Lily: Score 6

“Not bad tasting. I like the texture, the instructions don’t make it hard”

Aiden: Score 4

“It has the best texture but the smoke flavor stays with you too much.”

SCORE TOTAL: 10/20

 

Bacon Four – Hormel

 

Lily: Score 5

“Flavor is great. I kinda like the texture. Needs to be softer.” (Man my parents would have loved this girl.

Aiden: Score 4

“Goes kinda haywire in your mouth. Nah.”

SCORE TOTAL: 11/10

 

Bacon Five – Store Brand Giant Eagle

Lily: Score 9“I love this. It’s soft but crispy, tiny and melts in your mouth. My favorite,”

Aiden: Score 3

“No, no. What happened to it. It’s too thin and dry.”

SCORE TOTAL: 12/20

 

Finally Now because the original inspiration (Penny) was under the weather and couldn’t make it, I carefully wrapped each sample and marked them and sent them over.

She wasn’t in the mood so my son and son in law took the test and both decided bacon 2 was the best.

After adding the scores from Aiden and Lily, bacon 2 was the highest

Me? I agree with Lily and prefer the broke  and tiny tasty store brand. 

Which do you prefer if you buy precooked bacon. Leave a comment and let me know. And enjoy the quick video testimonies!

The Breaking Point of Negative Feedback

I heard it said that negative feedback is better than no feedback, or you need to hear the negative to fix the mistakes. While that is true, for the purpose of this blog, there are two types of negative feedback. Critical and harsh. You can tell someone they suck without using the word suck.

This cherry pie sucked!

This cherry didn’t do it for me.

Both tell the baker he didn’t do a good job on the pie, but while one can make the baker reexamine his recipe, the other can inadvertently make that baker put away his mixing bowl for a long time.

When you put yourself out there, especially as a writer, you have to expect the bad with the good. I know this, I have been doing this a long time. People are going to love your stories, hate your stories, or be indifferent.

You can’t please everyone, and I know that. I love getting positive feedback, emails thanking me for a great story, I mean, who doesn’t. Believe it or not, I don’t mind the critical ones. Often times, I see their point and make the change or mental note.

Critical.

Not Harsh Negative.

There’s a big difference you know and every so often, every couple years, something I write causes a rash of harsh negative emails. Again, not critical, but harsh negative.

For example, things like … (Taken from recent emails)

‘I’ll never read your books again, the errors were horrible.’

‘I wanted to throw my kindle, what a waste.’

‘Did you even graduate eighth grade?’ (Why do I get asked this? It’s happened before)

‘What were you thinking putting out crap like this’

A recent critical comment, the woman said, ‘I really enjoyed the story, there seemed to be far more errors than normal for you, please let me know if I can help.’

If you don’t see the difference, I can’t explain. But I can say this, the impact of the emails makes a difference. One type tells me, ‘Wow, she hasn’t given up on me’, the other makes me question as to why I even bother.

Recently, after a book was released through my publisher, those harsh negative emails started to arrive. All stating multiple errors, but they weren’t just letting me know about them, they were slamming me as a writer. I’ve had this happen with self published books, despite having two or three sets of eyes on the book. Things slip by.

But this … this is relentless and I am not exaggerating. It started as a few here and there after the release. A couple critical, one or two harsh negative and then it took a turn. After a weekend of several a day, suddenly, every single day I am getting no less than five emails. First, balancing out between criticism and negative and then the scales tipped. Never in my career have I ever gotten so many negative, bashing emails a day over one book. The ones not ‘slamming’ became few and far between. It has gotten to the point if I see an email and the subject even slightly talks about ‘The Book’, I don’t even open it. I have probably 50 unread in my inbox. So I apologize if you were emailing about something else and I didn’t reply yet..

Not one. Not a single one is positive. And you know what sucks? I LOVED writing that book, I created a cover from scratch and labored over it. Before you say it’s on the publisher, ask yourself … is it? My name is on that book and my name is also synonymous with self publishing so those who know my work just assume it’s self published. They aren’t blaming a publisher, they’re blaming me.

Maybe I should take it as a good thing that people feel they can reach out to me about this. That I am so approachable they can tell me anything,

There are readers I communicate with regularly that are just ‘letting me know how horrible it was’,. Not the story, the errors, then again, no one cares about this story. Little hint, if a book has been out for a couple months, and it’s that bad, really there’s  no need to let me know, chances are 50 others beat you to the punch.

So here I have a super original story, I freaking loved, sunk to a quicksand world of humiliation. A work I want to be proud of but now that ship has sailed.

For the errors, I blame myself. I didn’t pick up what the editor missed. My eyes read what my mind wrote.

I own it. My readers deserve the best I can give them and I failed them.

I know how frustrating it is to be in the flow of reading only to be halted by an avoidable error. I have reached out to many authors and none have ever experienced this, especially at this volume. Readers leave the negativity in the reviews for them not their inbox. Heck not even I have had it this bad.

This is a phenomenon, even after I was assured the mistakes were corrected the emails not only kept coming but grew in numbers.

The bottom line is, everyone has their breaking point. I’ve reached mine along with a legitimate fear that his could be the downfall of everything I worked so hard for.

So why did I write this blog? Maybe to vent, to be a bit of therapy, but mainly to ask anyone reading this that before you fire off an email of criticism/complaint penned in your frustration, whether it’s a coworker, an author, a business, just pause, breathe, reread before you hit send.

As a consumer, leaving bad reviews are your right, say what you want. But when sending a personal email, just know you, think it through.

Maybe I’m wrong. But I just wanted to put this out there.

Why I side with Harry

 On the eve of his book’s release, my preorder is in and I can wait to dive into Harry’s words.

I am obsessed with the Harry-Meagan story. I have at times used their first names as if talking  about old friends.

Actually, my obsession began with the royals the day Diana married Charles. I was doing my Saturday volunteer duty (candy striper back in the day) at the hospital with Sister Mary Louisa. A very tiny, old, petite, scary nun and as we were bagging surgical supplies she went off on a tangent about what the heck was that old man doing marrying such a young girl. “I give it ten years. I heard he has a tart on the side”

What? Who were these people she spoke of. Plus, I wasn’t familiar with what a tart was. I went home, spoke to my Nana and she immediately got me a national enquirer (reading choice of our family then)

I have followed ever since. A real life soap opera. So when things started with Harry a few years back, I called it. He’s gonna do what his mother couldn’t and break away.

I watched the Netflix Documentary and unlike everyone else I know, I loved it.

What’s the deal with the Meghan hate? Immediately, it’s like ‘blame the woman’. When we all know from the get go, Harry was the wild child. We all remember his Vegas Vacation and the nude snaps that came out.

Meghan didn’t grow up rich. She grew up with very little and I can totally understand where her thinking was skewed on how it was going to be. But Harry knew. Like his father, he didn’t prepare her. Because she was a B list celebrity didn’t mean she knew how to handle things. And though I love Harry, I bet he can be a real dick.

Okay all that aside, we saw what happened with Princess Di. Relentlessly hounded by the media, cheated on by her husband, made to look foolish in public. We all heard her side of the story, and I remember people judging her, not believing her. Harry and Meghan say pretty much the same thing, and people are reacting the same way. This isn’t the first or even second time, a royal stepped away and said these things. We all remember Edward.

Plus, hey, Tyler Perry is standing up for them and he is the stand up guy.

I heard someone today say, “He’s turning on his family.” Um, isn’t Meghan and the two kids his family too?

Harry never wanted to walk the normal royal walk. When he served his country he did so unlike any other royal, he led by example and was out there with his men and women. Harry is not stuffy, well, not like the others. He’s like Philip who refused to be tamed.

Maybe I’ll have a different feeling when I read the book, who knows. But I do know this and this is the way I see it. Dick or not, he walked away because he saw things unfolding the exact same way they did with his mother, and her final result is not the history he wanted to see repeated.

I wonder what Sister Mary Louisa would say.

Facing the Writing Changes

 

I think this may be the longest I have gone without blogging, and I think I need to get back into it. Every year, I say the same thing. Who knows, maybe this will be the year.

 I thought about blogging again because I wanted to do a food blog. Since living on my own, I find myself cooking more because, well, I am making what I want to eat not what everyone else likes to eat. My daughter calls them spinster dinners, but technically AM I spinster if I have been married a bunch.

 This year I face a lot of challenges as a writer and any oldie (Writing for Kindle for 7+ years) will know what I mean about changes. I just celebrated my 12^th anniversary with Kindle and the changes are strange. Many I never noticed because I never used a lot of the things other authors did.

It took me 10 years to realize I could email amazon and add my book to different categories other than the two I picked during publishing.  I always thought that was limiting, now, you can tell them what categories to add but you will only really show in three. So I’ll just stick with my two and let Amazon determine from the keywords, like I always did.

There’s a lot of changes in my genre of apocalypse as far as readers go. It starts out subtle, you don’t notice the trend until your rank is no longer what it used to be. So many genres are buried and done, like zombie. No one wants to read about a plague. Forget nuclear war. Until a fresh batch of readers gets scared of it, that will tank. EMP is so overused, as now is the CME events. So what is left? Natural disasters, aliens. I try at least once a year to invent a new type of apocalypse.

I find myself, as others probably do, stalled to the will of the masses. When I actually think my diehard readers don’t care. Yeah, some refuse to read zombie or aliens. But trying to fit the mold takes more time then just writing what comes to me. Be it horror, apocalypse, comedy, BEGINNNINGS!

So for the record, I am making my writing New Year’s Resolutions. I’ll check back in a year and see how I did.

• Finish at least two books I started and never finished.
• Finish a dead trilogy (One I stopped writing because I lost interest)
• Write what I feel, what comes from me. If the genre is a gone genre, vow to bring it back with good story telling..
• Get back to Vella. I like to do a vella book once and a while, they really keep me on my writing tows.
• Make my yearly ‘different’ book that I write, really different.