Siblings

 

Let’s talk hypothetically. Not right now but in a few …

I wasn’t really planning on doing a blog tonight, but I felt I had to.

Let’s go back six years.

My mother was ill, a sibling of mine (One of six) had an indiscretion hurting their spouse and kids.

Immediately, despite my mother’s pleas, it divided us. While I didn’t condone or like the indiscretion, it was still my sibling. This sibling was hurting. I was there for them.

My standing by this sibling caused a riff that grew deeper and stronger.

When my mother passed, I felt like the outcast.

Injured, hurt, emotional.

Allow me to state not every sibling treated us like outcast, but it was evident, the family get togethers, the dynamic was gone.

My uncle, my mother’s brother said to me that it was my mom’s fear that I was going to be cast aside.

It was heart wrenching for me. Hard, you know. I loved my siblings. But I pushed through because I had a great dynamic with my own kids. I never stopped communicating. Sending text messages. Staying in touch.

My mother always said once the parents were gone all we had were each other.

We failed that.

My heart broke. For some reason, some of my siblings really didn’t want anything to do with me. It was time when we needed each other and it didn’t work.

Although I always stayed close to the ‘Bad Choice’ sibling.  The only one that really spoke to me.

Then came the cancer.

I got out of the hospital and called friends to tell the news. I told Terri, who has been my friend for fifty years that I was going to text my siblings. She asked me to call the Bad Choice sibling, and then I could do what I wanted with rest.

That is what I did.

The Bad Choice sibling was devasted. Then a single group message started it all.

To my siblings, I have cancer.

It took that to make a change.

My grandson said to me, “Nen, your mom’s death tore you guys apart maybe this is what is needed to bring you back together.”

Sure enough I wasn’t the outcast anymore. I was the sibling that needed help. Meals were prepared, daily texts and a sister who is a nurse, she and her daughter became my biggest advocates.

In the last few weeks I watched our divided family dynamic turn and I couldn’t be more happier.

I have my siblings.

I feel strong with my family besides me.

I keep thinking of my mother and how happy this would make her.

Going to hypothetical, what if God said to my mother, you can bring your family together but one of them must face a hardship. I mean, not unlike God in the old testament to do those things right?

I was the choice, because I am the strong one.

I got this.

For my mother I would rather be the person that unites us.

I did. We had dinner tonight as a family, the first time since mom passed.

All the siblings, all united.

I couldn’t ask for anything more.