Five years ago this month, my marriage fell apart. I didn’t see it as ‘falling apart’, I thought it was a blip in life. In hindsight, it fell apart. Perhaps when he said, ‘I don’t want to be a married man anymore’, I should have taken that seriously and wouldn’t have been so shocked when he actually left. To be honest, that break up devastated me. So many people said, “This is the best thing that happened to you. You’ll see.”
I thought they were nuts, but they were right. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I rose from the ashes, and I grew stronger than I ever was. I focused on my writing and family, and though it took a long time, I finally became independent, self sufficient, and to an extent successful in something I love. Plus, I can check my oil. All of that, wouldn’t have been possible with a mate involved. Really, the success and career focus took a lot of selfish time. Time I otherwise would have had to give to a significant other.
So what brings on this super personal blog? An incident of course. A coworker/friend from DJing decided to play matchmaker with me. She introduces me to this guy. Said guy asks me out. Grrr. I don’t date. Really, I don’t, but since the coworker was trying … okay. First we were supposed to meet for drinks, but he had a kid issue come up. I’m cool with that. He then said, “Let me take you out to dinner on Saturday.” I accept, Saturday we exchange texts on where we should meet and then … then I get a text an hour before hand saying, “I’m not hungry, let’s just meet for drinks.’. Seriously? I don’t like to go out, so don’t get me an ‘out’, and he did. I simply replied, ‘I don’t think so.’ And that was that.
I’ve been single for a while. Granted I met some really great guys early on after the divorce, but I wasn’t ready. After time, I’ll never be ready. I have compiled a list of reasons, maybe they can help you with that person you’re trying to date, or figure out why you are single.
Been there done that – This is pretty cut and dry, I have been married three times and failed three times, I think I got the message. And I hate failing.
Set in my ways – I am a creature of habit, I do the same things the same time every day. I hate change and I don’t like having to change my schedule to accommodate a date, let alone an entire relationship. I stay up late and rely on naps. I like spending time with the babies. I like my writing time. So anything that can’t be worked around those things … like a date .. is out. I’d have to squeeze you in between 8:30 and 12. But that doesn’t happen. They want my time for writing and my babies. I’m not willing to give that up.
Want to be me – a very nice, stable, attractive man recently pursued me. But he envisioned me as I am not. Always saying he’d like to see me dressed up. Not happening. I like my levis and tee shirts. I don’t wear skirts, only light make up. I’m going through perimenopausal, damn it, I hate anything tight on my body. I did that ‘look good always thing’ screw that. I am who I am.
Deal breakers – I have a mental list you know. Even the best guy ruins it in my book when he does one of my deal breakers. They are, but not limited to: Throws themselves into my writing. Shows up unexpectedly. Tells me how much he likes me. Suggests pizza as a first date, Texts only a ‘K’. Tells me he sleeps in the nude. Brings up sex. Which leads to …
Men think of one thing – Remember the old commercial? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Well the new question is, ‘how long does it take for a man to bring up sex?’. Really, seriously, they bring it up. Out of the blue. They feel obligated to tell you they think of you that way. Or how long it’s been. Dude, I get it. Sexual chemistry is important, but at my age, it’s short lived. I want more to rely on, especially after everything starts flapping in the wind. If I want to talk about sex, I’ll bring it up. Because if you do before I want to hear it … done.
Highs – There is that euphoric feeling of love. The highs of a good time. But in every passionate relationship there are low points. Sorry. Love sucks. And those ‘highs’ you feel when things are great are nowhere near as intense as the ‘lows’ you feel when things go bad. Don’t want to deal with that.
Long distance – I would be really willing to have a relationship with some that lived out of town, like a thousand miles away out of town. Maybe talk a couple days a week, text message to say hello daily and see each other whenever. That type of relationship would not invade my life.
Mercy Me – This goes pretty much with the highs. When you are in a relationship, you have to give your all. In doing that you are at the emotional mercy of someone else. I am not ready to do that. I don’t want someone’s pissy mood to make me pissy. No thank you.
And finally, Number One …
They Aren’t Frank – In case you don’t know, Frank is the hero in my sci fi series. That series has 20+ books and no end in sight. Frank is my ultimate male, he doesn’t exist in this dimension because I created him. He’s not perfect, he’s hard headed, dumb, not real handsome, but he’s Frank. So unless a 6’3, bulky (Not muscular), dark haired, goatee sporting, low IQ, funny, hard headed guy named Frank steps into my life my life (Yes he should be named Frank), I’m afraid I’ll forever be single.